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October 30th, 2008 @ 6:26am
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[PRIVATE]
I'm happy for them, I really am. He's my brother, and she is now my sister. I am happy for them.
No I'm not. At least not at the moment. Their wedding, as beautiful as it was, made my heart just want to stop beating. It made me want to go run and hide until the pain goes away. I thought I'd managed to get over him, thought that I'd at least be able to go to their wedding and not care one bit that ming was suppose to have happened in July. How could I though? How could I when my entire family insisted of reminding me on an hourly, if not sooner, basis by asking me if I was okay or if I needed anything? One of my Aunts even went so far as to say 'This must suck for you what with your engagement being called off only two weeks before your wedding.' Thank you for that Aunt Helen, really. Nothing cures an aching heart like a spike being driven into it! My own mother kept giving me the 'sorry for me' look. Why do parents have that down to a perfection anyway?
Speaking of parents. The topping on the cake? The thing that just made my FUCKING night? My father had the nerve to show up. He refused to even walk me down the aisle or come to my wedding but he shows up to Hunters? So nice to know that your own father doesn't want anything to do with you. And Denim got to punch him in the face. Hunter nor my mom would let me do it. I just wanted one punch. ONE PUNCH! They wanted me to be happy they should have let me sock the bastard.
I don't know what I'm doing here in Chicago anymore. Who needs me here? Lacey has Andrea to take care of and focus on, she doesn't need my help. Denim and Hunter are married now. Neither of them have needed me for anything since she moved in. I think I'm just going to be some outsider in the place now. How can I not be with the happy newly weds? Just one phone call from them after being in Fiji for two days was enough to tell me the last thing they needed was Hunty's little sister being in the way. Not that they said that...it was just suddenly clear to me. Maybe I should start looking for a place of my own, maybe a roommate that won't mind me turning into a crazy cat lady.
Maybe me leaving can be the perfect wedding gift to the both of them.
[END PRIVATE]
If I'm not mistaken the last of the relatives have finally left town...at least the ones that were only here for the wedding. What does this mean? It means I can finally allow myself some sanity, not that I had all that much in the first place.
Hey Colt? If you haven't finished the wedding photos yet can I come keep you company? I don't have much to do around this place.
Lacey, need me for anything at all? Unlikely but I figured I'd try.
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October 16th, 2008 @ 9:16pm
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HAHAHAHA!
I can go as a TEAPOT! for Halloween. How perfect is that??
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October 4th, 2008 @ 6:17am
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mood |
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 gloomy |
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**Blocked from Hunter and Denim**
So...I'm not exactly thrilled that my brother is getting married at the end of the month. In fact I'd rather completely skip the entire thing and just go hide somewhere else while everyone is over at the zoo celebrating and whatnot. I can't even avoid certain parts of it or just blend into the background until I can go off on my own. Nope! I have to be a bridesmaid for the thing. I just...with all the wedding plans going around the house right now it reminds me of two things; I should be married right now, and I'm going to be living alone a lot sooner than I had expected. No way are they going to want me to be living with them as newlyweds. It just...its not going to happen.
UGH. Somebody save me.
I'm just going to put all my attention on the art classes, maybe do some pottery soon. That's always fun.
**End Block**
I never realized how expensive apartments were around Chicago, or anywhere for that matter. I'm going to have to start looking at a completely different neighborhood.
On another note, I quite enjoy having New Kids on the Block share the travel time with me. Takes me back not incredibly far but still back.
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July 29th, 2008 @ 7:01pm
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Hunter I miss the puppies. Bring them over when you get the chance?
Anyone want to go to lunch tomorrow?
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June 28th, 2008 @ 2:19am
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mood |
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 thankful |
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So....I couldn't really think enough to have actual words for my birthday, but I think I do now...
Wednesday was my birthday, but I just wasn't feeling up to celebrating. It's weird yanno, to not want to celebrate your birthday when still so young. I could have gone out and had a party without worrying about needing to do anything the next day but I didn't. Instead I opted to stay in bed, under my blankets, and sulk. Of course no one would let me, in fact I had a four year old jump on me to get me up out of the blankets....
For once I'm glad I wasn't as stubborn as my brother. My dress...the dress that I was killing myself to each the money for...was hanging on my closet door. I couldn't help but cry. Apparently my best friend, brother, sister, and fiance put their money together to buy it for me. I honestly don't think they know how much it means to me right now. The reason I've been so down in the dumps is because I've got a ton of those damn wedding magazines and there are all these women in there talking about how their fathers are such big help and are spending all this money to make their daughters and mine? Mine won't even return my phone calls acknowledging that I'm alive.
The dress helps, knowing that my family cares about me so much to go out and buy it for me. Spending time with Hunter last night helped too, I'm really hoping that Jake and Denim aren't going to mind when/if I go over to his place in the middle of the night because I need to talk to my big brother. When I need Tess I'll just barge in and kick the guy out, older sister privilege.
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June 25th, 2008 @ 3:59pm
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mood |
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I think I'm staying in bed all day. Happy Birthday to me...
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June 13th, 2008 @ 7:40pm
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mood |
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disappointed |
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[Blocked from Jake]
I think I blew it. He barely talks to me when I call him, and he hasn't called me once since that day at school. I didn't want to be taken home from work by my fiance, I just wanted to stay there to grade the papers and then I would have gone home but he kept pushing me. I snapped yes, but I didn't meant to push him away. And now? Now I'm not so sure there's going to be a wedding in August. No, he hasn't said it was off, but him not showing me anything other than....than being distant doesn't give me much hope.
[End Block]
I lost my second job. I guess that's what I get.
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January 24th, 2008 @ 3:14am
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mood |
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 ecstatic |
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AUGUST 3!!!!!!!!
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November 14th, 2007 @ 1:39am
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Oh my...I got a job offer today.
For the art teacher at Lakeview Prep.
It came out of nowhere...I can't believe it!
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November 9th, 2007 @ 9:55pm
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I miss teaching.
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September 10th, 2007 @ 3:44pm
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I need to start looking for a wedding dress.
Anyone care to join me?
{{Jacob Only}}
I love you.
I just felt like being mushy.
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September 9th, 2007 @ 8:40pm
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I got a new job, secretary at a local used car dealership.
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September 2nd, 2007 @ 2:27pm
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So...the art department at the school was shutdown due to lack of funds....or as I like to say because the football team wanted new jerseys.
I need to find a new job now.
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August 29th, 2007 @ 10:00pm
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[[JAKE]]
I told him.
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July 30th, 2007 @ 2:48pm
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{BLOCKED FROM HUNTER}
.....
I'M ENGAGED!
{END BLOCKED FROM HUNTER}
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July 22nd, 2007 @ 8:54pm
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Double martinis....baaaaad.
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July 19th, 2007 @ 12:49am
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Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!!!!!!
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July 17th, 2007 @ 2:39pm
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I got a part time summer job at Victorias Secret.
The discounts are amazing.
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July 5th, 2007 @ 6:10pm
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You know whats not fun?
Being stuck on the freeway because your car dies and then having the tow truck company say it'll be at least an hour before they can get to you.
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July 1st, 2007 @ 3:45pm
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That was probably my best trip to the beach ever.
And the best ice cream as well.
I want some lucky charms.
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June 27th, 2007 @ 1:00am
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Hunter Louis Christenson!
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June 24th, 2007 @ 3:42pm
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Tomorrow's my birthday.
Maybe I'll go buy myself a new game.
My brothers gone so I have nothing to do but that
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June 22nd, 2007 @ 4:08am
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**Private**
Hunter couldn't have picked the worse time to up and take Denim to Cancun.
The nightmares are back and my big brother is the only one to have ever been able to keep them at bay with his corny ass jokes and awful skills at video games.
Ugh.
**End Private**
Anyone know how to cure insomnia outside of sleeping pills?
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May 28th, 2007 @ 12:24am
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Hunty?
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